Comforting Words: I Had a Dream

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

I Had a Dream

It happened again! Just as I thought that this had passed, lo and behold early one morning last week it came again.

I woke up, looked around the room, glanced at my sleeping partner and thought aloud, “Here we go.”

My reaction over the years has not been so calm. Back in 1992 when this first occurred, my response was indeed the complete opposite. This was less than two years since my relationship with Juds had started and although intimacy (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) was going great, I was having a hard time in other respects.

Looking back, it is now clear to me that the greatest difficulty was that I could not believe that this woman was in love with me and thought me worthy of her devotion and loyalty. No one prior thought so, including myself, and so it was hard for me accept that she or this relationship was different.

We had retired for the night and at some point fell asleep only for me to literally jump up out of a troubled sleep. Instead of waiting a second to catch my breath, I shook and jerked Juds out of her sweet sleep demanding to know who she was seeing!
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You need to understand that my dear partner loves to cuddle, completely wrapped in whatever covering we are using at that time. So my sudden and violent thrust not only almost threw her out of our then double bed but it was comical to see her coming from under the sheet, clutching the side of the bed and totally confused, “Wha, what…what happen?”

“I just dreamt that you were dating someone else and I want to know who it is?!”

Those of you who know Juds can guess what her response was to this ridiculous demand at maybe 3:00 a.m.

Hissing her teeth, trying hard to focus her eyes on my fingers wagging in her face she dryly asked, “Are you crazy?”

Maybe I was just a little crazy as I would repeat this performance at least once every two years for the next ten years of our lives together. I was sure that my dream was a vision as it was so clear, except for the face of my competitor, and detailed. For every time I would wake her at some ungodly hour, Juds would ask, “You had the dream again, see her face this time?”

This last time, and I do hope it is the last unless there is a dream interpreter among readers of Comforting Words who can decipher this dream for me once and for all, was different.

I still jumped out of my sleep, the face of ‘the other woman’ is still unknown and I still experienced a gut-wrenching pain at the thought of my partner walking out on our relationship in this way.

The difference this time, however, was my reaction. There was no need for me to immediately wake Juds up; waving my dream evidence of her unfaithfulness under her nose. This time also I did not malice her for days while waiting for her to confess to the truth that I saw in my dreams!

Acknowledging the physical impact that the dream had on me – pain in my gut and shortness of breath – I reminded myself that this has happened before and my relationship has withstood the test of time, at least thus far, even with extremely challenging moments. I also reminded myself that I am worthy – a worthy channel and recipient of love.
As I talked to myself, affirming the truth of ‘who I am’ and my shared life with Juds, I turned to her and lifted the side of the blanket that was tucked under her head and kissed her nose.

“Hmm,” she moaned.

“I had the dream again,” I told her.

It was almost 5:00 a.m., so I made coffee and we sat in bed and talked about the details.

“At least this time, you not ‘beating’ the detail out of me,” Juds laughingly said. “That’s growth.”

“Indeed it is,” I agreed.

Still, if anyone is good at dream interpretations, I would not mind hearing from you.

Blessings,

Claudette

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