Comforting Words: Dating Over Forty - Part 2

Friday, November 23, 2007

Dating Over Forty - Part 2

My man-friend Lance will not give me a break, laughing his head off each time we speak and strongly suggesting that I continue this dating story. "Make it into a series," he insists.

Now why would anyone want to make this horrible process of DOF ito a series? Why would anyone, especially me who really hates pain, want to be the brunt of ridicule, telling stories of dates gone wrong (DGW). Although I really like these acronyms – they are cute.

Dating Over Forty (DOF) is like running a marathon when all your life you have been training for the 100 meter race! In fact, if you are like me and simply hearing the word ‘exercise’ causes you pain in muscles you never knew you had, then you will fully appreciate what I mean.

If you had the privilege of being (or languishing might be more appropriate) in a relationship for an extended period (say 16 years) the 21st century dating scene is a marathon. Imagine getting up from your couch after 16 years, literally in most cases (read as ‘in my case’), and taking up running a 26K through the Rocky Mountains.

There are days when I wonder if I should return to active therapy – not for depression but to check on my mental health status generally. Other days, I wonder whether I need to re-sit the English Language Examinations offered by the Education Board of Her Royal Highness, the Queen of England.

I once spoke Russian fluently and can still help myself after not using the language anymore on a daily basis for over 17 years now. However, conversations on the dating scene cause me to question what language am I using in communicating.

This brings me to the Point #6:
 This might sound bourgeois but trust me – never date someone with an IQ drastically lower than yours! A woman who I am not sure whether we are coming or going (more anon) has on her profile that people who write to her should at least be able to spell the word “definitely.” I found this very funny because I was dating this guy who not only wrote it but pronounced it with great pride and frequently as “definightly.” Needless to say that for more reasons than one it never went too far between us.

Anyone who really knows me can attest to the fact that I do not walk around with my nose in the clouds, thinking I am better than anyone. Certainly, I know that I am smart and well educated – you must be if universities (notice that I used the plural) allow you to walk through their gates with papers stating that they have educated you at the Master’s level. My papers are for real but so too is my love of people.

However, when it comes to dating, feeling “nice” with someone is not enough. Over the last few months I have personally experienced where that ends – thankfully with no permanent damage (physical nor emotional). Some people who I know have not been so lucky.

I knew about ‘gold diggers’ but...wait before you think it let me say it yes they come in both genders...I never thought that that happens in gay/same-sex relationships.

Yes, yes, I know that makes me sound naïve. Very much like the really wonderful little lady that came up to me at church one day last year in the midst of my crisis and said, “Claudette, you are always teaching me. Until your situation, I never thought, it never crossed my mind that gay people would hurt just as badly as heterosexuals when there ‘marriage’ broke up.” Recognizing that her saying this to me required an enormous amount of bravery, I hugged her and rolled my eyes over her head :)

Well stop rolling your eyes those of you who knew that there are women out there, entering relationships with other women and after the requisite amount of time are suing them for half of their properties. So much for same-sex marriage rights!

Maybe my naivety stems from the fact that I am an island girl – hailing from a country where (1) homosexuality is against the law – so you would be jailed before you could even think about suing your partner for anything; (2) we were too busy trying to make the relationship work because it was so closeted and when it didn’t we headed for the beach to wash out wounds in the healing salt waters and (3) we were just too drunk on rum (kidding).

In all seriousness, however, since my own witnessing last year of this scenario, i.e., one partner lying and cheating – or at least attempting to – the house and land from the other, it seems like an epidemic in the lesbian community here in Edmonton, Alberta. Friends elsewhere please e-mail me and let me know what's going on in your neck of the woods.

The other part of this story – the part that is relevant to Point #6 – is that the ones doing the suing and stealing (or attempt thereto) are the less educated ones. I am almost having a sense that they seek out women (or partners) with greater social status and income, bide their time and they go for the jugular. It gives a new meaning to the word bitches. Sorry if anyone is offended by my use of that word but I am just keeping it real.

My advice therefore – date with caution those who are unemployed, unqualified for meaningful employment and/or lie about their qualifications, or refuse to upgrade their schooling or dropping hints that they would go back to school but cannot afford to – do not fall for it.

What I am saying here is not new to the heterosexual community, although it is a practice that is still pervasive among them – women looking for sugar daddies or men seeking "well educated, independent woman.”

In the case of the latter, read those profiles as: Man looking to nam’ you out.” For those who are not Jamaican – “nam” is the Jamaican for “eat all that you have.”

Lance, you just might get your wish because there is much more DOF stuff in me where this came from. I have to stop here though as I have to go prepare for a lunch date with a woman over forty who has been screening me to make sure that I don’t plan to nam’ her out – too funny!



P.S. Another photo taken by Ren. Visit his site at


Anonymous Renato Gandia said...

No, the Claudette that I know doesn't 'nam people out.

Fri. Nov. 23, 05:36:00 p.m. MST  

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