Let's Hear It For The Dogs

My life is not boring – far from it.

Take this last weekend as an example. On Friday, what should have been a couple hours turned into all night shopping and unpacking with two of my boys. We were exiting Walmart at 11:30 p.m. laden with packages – most their’s – and then we headed to my apartment to install a surround sound system that they convinced me was the best buy.

My initial intention was to get a second hand something that would play my compact discs without too much garble – but I learnt my lesson, never attempt to make purchases in a pawn shop with two gay men! Now thanks to them, as you approach my apartment door you hear the blast from this system that I am still figuring out how to use!

Saturday was my lunch date – and that went exceptionally well. I impressed the lady with a lovely four course lunch that she is still talking about up to yesterday. Actually she spent some of her weekend trying to repeat my success with corn bread – but I am not giving up my recipe. The best part though is that by the time she was leaving I had all the information I needed – that was the deal. Stay tuned for more tips, namely on how to get the ‘full bill and receipt’ from a beautiful, highly intelligent and no-nonsense woman (or whatever is your flavour) in my continuing series of DOF.

Later that night, again in the company of some more of my boys, we went to Bright Nights, which is a huge park lit with magnificent displays of lighting for the Christmas season. The night ended at my place – with the boys devouring the leftover from my lunch date. Claudette does not know how to cook for two, so there was enough to feed three grown men and myself. We washed that down with two bottles of the best tasting wine I ever had, supplied by Dr. B.

Sunday morning was time for church. I have declared myself the fag hag – it is an endearing term for a woman who hangs out with gay men. It is particularly endearing if the men are as warm, caring and loving as my boys. We went church shopping as I have been on the market for a new church home. For months now I knew it was time to find one that will satisfy my spiritual needs and my peace of mind – a place where I belong without intrusions. I believe I was successful.

Later that afternoon, my daughter and I spent time doing what has become an annual tradition – baking Christmas cakes together. The part of the tradition that seems somewhat askewer is that I purchase all the material for this Jamaican Christmas Cake and she takes home most of the end products!

Betwixt and between, several of my latest hobbies fill my days (and nights)…not to mention the daily ‘excitement’ of my job (I work at a prison and every day brings it own sets of drama). I have finally succumbed to the pressure and joined Facebook and that site is so addictive. I am on it morning, noon and night.

If that was not enough, I am now downloading music from Limewire – for my Christmas party. My Christmas and entertaining spirit is back in full force and so I will be the host of the first in the series of Christmas parties for the Divas and everybody is asked to bring a US$25.00 contribution for Kiva.

Looking at this one weekend, you can see that my life is full.

Then why am I experiencing this uncontrollable delight and excitement about my dog getting ‘laid’?

You read correctly. Angello, my dog and companion for over seven years and who was recently diagnosed as having a terminal kidney disease, is out performing stud service for two days. This must be like “Make a Wish Foundation for Dying Dogs,” and my sweetie has gotten his dream come through.

Visitors to my home – wherever that has been – can testify to having had to retrieve or peel Angello off their legs. He loves to hump. Last year the doctor told me that he needed to have surgery for his prostrate which was enlarging as a result of him “not getting any.” Well that’s no longer the case.

My gentle giant of a friend called me a couple days ago and told me that his bitch is going on heat and would I like to give Angello his lucky break. How could I say no to a dying dog that has loved me unconditionally for seven years so far? So off he went this morning to get his wish – to have sex.

My friend brought the lady in question over to my place very early this morning to see if she would be interested in Angello before driving all the way outside of Edmonton to his place and she rejected my boy. Well, who could resist the big black eyes and his dark ruddy (and furry) looks? There was no being coy on the lady’s part but my dear Angello for all his years of humping had not a clue where to hump this time.

I felt I had let him down – by not telling him how this was done. The poor fella tried for a couple hours, succeeding only to make a real wet mess off my kitchen floor but not making THE connection. As I watched his poor performance, I could not help thinking about the many disappointed women in this world who have found themselves or are in this position right now – meeting someone who looks better than they are able to ‘put out’.

Hopeful nevertheless for my dear Angello, I spent the rest of my day calling every hour to my friend’s to ask “Did he get it yet?”

I called so many times I felt my gentle giant was going to die with laughter. It was becoming embarrassing for me that my Angello was humping everywhere on the lady’s body except for where he should. My friend told me that he was considering giving his bitch a bathe soon as Angello had succeeded to drench her in …

I offered a suggestion at about 8:00 p.m. – almost twelve hours after this all started. But he didn’t think it funny. I though maybe he should show Angello where exactly to put his…to connect.

On my drive home after work close to 10:00 p.m. I called again, “Did he…?”“Yes, finally, he did and you should have seen the look on his face!” my friend told me. “It was as if he was saying holy s… what do I do now??” Excuse me but my giant’s language can be quite colourful, mine was worse as I pounded my steering wheel, screaming “Yes, yes!” like I was the one experiencing what I hope the lady did.

I share this very weird story because it reminded me to remain happy and hope-filled no matter what. A few weeks ago I thought I was going to lose my best friend and companion. Today, he was losing his virginity and I thought “what a wonderful life.”

For all the entertaining, shopping, drama at work, dating etc., that is going on in my life – or your’s – what really matters are the simple things that make you laugh heartily - like your dying dog having a day of his own brand of fun.

I love it!

Blessings,

Claudette