Comforting Words: Too Late: Intermission

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Too Late: Intermission

It was the end of another two-day frenzy that comes every month in my line of business when the fate of others are decided and my recommendation plays a significant role.

Pooped, hungry and not too joyous that it was snowing, I still had to stop and collect the humongous organic chicken that might appear on my Thanksgiving table. Actually, it was three roasters and one will be travelling with me to Edmonton in a few days to grace my daughter’s birthday table.

Pulling away from my friend’s beautiful 100-year old house the knot in the pit of my stomach tightened as if to remind me it was there. That was a wasted motion on its part as how could I have forgotten it? Since my first cup of coffee at 5:15 this morning it arrived and it had my gasping for breathe several times throughout my presentations.

The tuna sandwich I had for lunch did not relieve the knot, neither did the fourth cup of coffee, nor the pack of Cheesies someone gave nor the mug of hot chocolate that I bought at the service station just prior to pulling onto the highway to head home.

Robert was on the phone wanting to know if he should start driving home now instead of early tomorrow morning as was the plan. He feared the worse as I described the sometime excruciating pain that had me doubled-over in the truck. We both tried to diagnose what could have been the cause and possible home remedies.

“Robert,” I tentatively said, “do you think this is psychological?” Not understanding where I could be going with that question or maybe preferring not to go there, he responded “How?”

“Well, you know I have been dealing with some stuff and it is the day, it is October 8, the day my downward spiraling began back then.”

“No,” said my husband who sometimes refuses to acknowledge that I am not super-woman. “You are just stressed from the presentations and all that was weighing on them.”

Then as only my Robert can conclude he said, “Furthermore I would have heard it in your voice.”

“Heard what in my voice?” was my comeback to that.

“Depression,” he said matter-of-factly and I could just imagine his green-blue eyes with that man-boyish gaze that he has that penetrates deep into me.

When we first met, Robert and I, after noticing that he was a somewhat of a red-head, the next thing that caught me were his eyes and that impish smile that reside deeply in them. His eyes were so irresistible to me that throughout our first dinner together at Mongolie Grill in Edmonton, I could not look away. The restaurant wasn’t well lit so I squinted through my glasses to focus on his.

Taken by them, a few hours later as we were about to pull out of the parking lot, I reached over and grabbed him, pulled him in to me and kissed him. Not caring whether he thought I was a crazy ‘black’ woman, I kissed him again.

His eyes made me do it.

And over the year and months that we have been together, all he has to do is to turn those eyes on me and I know that everything might not be the way we want it, but we are not where we were as individuals and all will be well.

Robert knows things about me that I do not and he is not afraid to share them with me – even when I might not want to be informed. He also knows that October 2006 was a crazy-making month for me and that Thanksgiving that year did not find me being grateful.

He knows that this October came with its own set of additional issues – with the emails that I have been processing.

That is why we are both glad that he is on his way home for our second Thanksgiving together – to help make new memories.

It is funny how you can experience such joy and pride in one aspect of your life – like I did today when three out of my four presentations went very well and the individuals have another chance. And then there can be near chaos in another aspect of your life – like this woman trying to ease her way into my personal space.

What is more magnificent about life is finding someone who is what I prefer to call a wounded healer to walk the course with you – seeing your flaws but loving you through green-blues eyes.

I am truly blessed.

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